


Role Model

by BardsAmbrosia



Series: I'm 19 years old and I've already wasted my entire life [4]
Category: Courage the Cowardly Dog, Undertale (Video Game)
Genre: ALL THIS MOTHERFUCKIN SASS, Crack Crossover, Crack Treated Seriously, Crossover, F/M, Fluff and Angst, Gen, Humor, Sassy
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-01-29
Updated: 2016-01-31
Packaged: 2018-05-16 23:37:07
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 1,379
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5845330
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/BardsAmbrosia/pseuds/BardsAmbrosia
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Burgerpants needs help with his self-esteem.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

The one day in a long time that he's actually off, you bring him right back to his place of work. 

 

Was it some kind of punishment for that one time he scratched up the door frame by the laundry room? Or maybe because he accidentally backed his car into your neighbor's son's tree house and now you can't say hello without feeling awkward or their son giving you the evil eye. Why was the tree house in the front yard anyways? Really it was their fault, not his. 

 

But honestly, if you weren't his _beloved_ girlfriend and didn't live together, he would pitch the biggest of bitches the world has ever seen.

 

He almost openly weeps when you gesture over to...another monster...a..cat? Sitting by a window on one of those tall chairs, in a white blazer, leg delicately crossed over the other with the stinkiest look of arrogance radiating off him. It makes his ears peel back on his head. But because he's a civilized monster, he doesn't actually hiss.

 

Oh my fuck, Burgerpants has competition.

 

You glance over to the orange feline beside you, smiling and bump your elbow into his arm. "Relax. He's...a friend. C'mon." 

 

He lets you grab his arm and drag him forward and unfortunately closer to the awaiting red feline. If Burgerpants had boots he'd be shaking in them because THIS guy is creepy as FUCK. But oddly enough he looks cool? It's a weird combination.

 

"Afternoon, Katz! It's been awhile." You say, pulling out a chair, consciously making an effort not to drag it too much against the floor before taking a seat. The cat blinks and nods his head, politely, trying to ignore the screeching of the chair as Burgerpants pulls out his own, passive aggressively knowing its annoying before sitting down as well.

 

"Hey." _Katz, huh? Yeah, not a pretentious name at all._

 

"Afternoon and its good to see you too, darling."

 

You take it upon yourself to lay out what it is you are all exactly doing here. Burgerpants tries not to fidgit under Katz' gaze, feeling smaller by the second. "Yeah, so this is Burgerpants. Burgerpants, this is Katz."

 

"Cool."

 

"Hmm."

 

Okay, you make a mental note about that being the worst introduction ever. "...so I asked Katz to help you with your self-esteem.." Cue the glare.

 

Burgerpants gives you the 'why are you doing this to me' look briefly before covering his face with his hands. He didn't deserve this. He only then looks up when he hears a deep chuckle.

 

"Your cowardice is strong, my dear boy."

 

"What!?"

 

"And that can't actually be your real name, right? Pleassse, tell me it's not." The amusement in his voice is as strong as the so called cowardice Burgerpants shows.

 

You're itching to answer for him but you force yourself not too.

 

"My name's Calvin."

 

Invisible eyebrows raise as Katz eyes noticeably widen. "That's wonderful. We're one step closer to you being more...confident. We'll be another step closer after you change those rags you're wearing."

 

You almost choked.

 

".....rags?"

 

Katz leered. He didn't like having to repeat himself. "Yesss. What are you a duck? A _dog_?...Cats don't wear such pathetic pieces of garb. But do not worry, I'll give you the help you so, so need, old sport."

 

Burgerpants slowly turns his head to not just look or glance but glares at you.

 

Maybe this wasn't the best idea after all.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I fucking love Katz  
> So underrated  
> He was the first CN character with swiggity swag in the bag *weeps*


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Burgerpants and his confidant.
> 
>  
> 
> This, this is important
> 
> http://trashrump.tumblr.com/post/130840635846/burgerpants-is-that-friend-who-holds-onto-the#notes

"S-so, he made fun of my fashion sense. Like what the fuck am I suppose to w-where all the time? A suit and tie? He wants me to dress for success but I work at a fast food joint.."

 

"Uh-huh."

 

"And then he says... _Well, if you want to amount to anything, you have to wear things like this. First impressions are very important._ " He repeats, mimicking Katz' astute pronunciation of the English language. "Like no shit? I'm nine fucking teen. Get off my back!" Burgerpants shouts before taking a drag off a fat blunt he currently shared with Sans. Said sketelon's patience for his turn waning thin as Burgerpants hogs it obliviously.

 

Honestly, if he cared enough he might have asked what him being nineteen and dressing appropriately for adult occasions had to do with the price of tea in China.

 

Sans isn't best friends with the guy by any means but Papyrus is friends with _everyone_ , so these encounters where Burgerpants or anyone else pays a visit is sometimes unavoidable and there's no way Sans can stay in his room ALL the time when there's visitors. 

 

Papyrus thinks he's slick, acting like hes busy in the kitchen. He just didn't want to hear Burgerpants hiss and moan about his insignificant problems again. Oh my god, he hated teenagers, even though he was only three years older than the feline. All they do is complain and smoke all the weed. And cats were the most selfish creatures around.

 

"...Pass that shit or I'll fucking **kill** you." The mischievous and joking look on his face makes his words seem less promising, but he truly felt that way. 

 

Burgerpants choked abit on the smoke travelling through his orifices, smoke dimwittedly flowing from his mouth and sensitive nose before he quickly handed the joint to Sans.

 

Sans took his time taking a drag and enjoyed the oncoming high as Burgerpants fidgitedly nervously next to him. "Soo, what do you think?"

 

"...uh..huh?" The boney stoner looks at him, lost. Burgerpants huffs, wondering if he had been listening at all. After a monent, Sans starts to remember what he was bitching about before. "O-oh right. Just go for it man." The words leave his mouth, carefree as he leans back. "Just listen to what he has to say and see where it takes you." 

 

Okay, not really what he wanted to hear at all. Why couldn't people just join him in his self-loathing and complain about shit that was obivously petty but annoying all the same in everyday occurrences of life. Shit, if he met someone like that he would be the happiest of motherfuckers. But let's not push our luck here, he's lucky he has a girlfriend and that trumps having a perfect best friend as far as he's concerned. He'll take Sans' mediocre friendship any day and Papyrus' SpaghettiOs pasta casserole.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm thinking the chapters will be short usually. I'm more likely to make progress with this that way.


	3. Chapter 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> it BEGINS

The surface had alot of stores. Like, too many. He's lived in Snowdin his whole life and there are only a couple boutiques. He's never been that picky about clothes and usually wears his MTT uniform and if he's not wearing that, it's jeans and a t-shirt. 

 

He sleeps in the nude.

He's a fucking cat.

 

" _Calvin_."

 

Burgerpants cringes at how smooth his name sounds coming from the other feline. The voice of a ~~cat~~ ~~monster~~ man who must be rolling in bitches if he's not sailing on his sweet yacht.

 

"Yeah?" The teen keeps his back turned, acting like he's busy looking through a rack of different colored sweatpants. Macy's has some nice sweatpants.

 

"Turn around."

 

Burgerpants sighs loudly before acting on his command. "What?" He asks. Katz holds up a black and very fashionable varsity jacket and professional suit jacket which looks rather pricey with silver trimming and buttons; sleek. The orange cat gives him a look. "That's FABU-FUL...but who's paying for it?"

 

"...." Katz just stares at him, the only movement he makes is a flick of his tail. UNBELIEVABLE. "Before your purchase, you'll be trying it on." The clothes are pushed into his arms and the taller cat points to the changing rooms with jab of his slender thumb. "Hop to it."

 

Burgerpants doesn't like his tone. "Listen, old man--eep!!!" Katz is quick to snatch him by the front of his shirt. He's bought closer than comfortably possible, yellow and small dark pupils piercing into his soul.

 

"You know, my BMW goes pretty fast. I've always wondered how much it'd slow down if I tied someone to the back of it. You aren't very big...so maybe it wouldn't slow down one bit...but that's just a hypothesis."

 

"...." ಥ︹ಥ

 

This is the second person Burgerpants has ever had to gravel to.

 

 

When he scurries inside the changing room, he realizes he didn't ask about the pants.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Funny faces might happen sometimes because dramatic B.P.


End file.
